| shows | bio | music | pics | news | links |
|
May 25th, 2008 It has been a long time since we have updated the site. Our first full length LP "Sexy Times with The Fucking Machines" was released September 29th, 2007 with a kick ass sold out show at Ottawa's legendary punk dive bar The Dominion Tavern. The place smells worse than a crust punk's crotch. One can order it online from our friends at Last Drag Records. We have amicably parted ways with Joe V., and Dave Williams of The Sedatives has stepped in to fill the void. Civ has taken off for the summer, so we're down to one vocalist for the next few months. We played our first show with the new line up last week at the Rock & Roll Pizza Party and a great time was had by all, especially the dance off after our set with Carruthers. Our next show will be June 14th at Babylon, as a part of the Gaga Weekend being put on by the fine folks at Going Gaga Records/ Zine. That promises to be one killer weekend of live punk rocking good times. Looks like we're tentatively working towards a new 7", but don't hold your breath. OK, off to order some Bad Brains sneakers and Gaunt 7"s. Word. BTW check this shit out. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- August 17th, 2007 Whoa! OK so the new LP has been recorded and is off to press on Monday. Acid was dropped one July afternoon. We then proceded to record amidst a pile of sweaty beers and the release show is 09/29/07 at The Dominion with Gunsmoke and Last Communion, a couple of kick ass local punk rawkers, and a big "up yours" to Diamond Neal Johnstone for putting up with us once again on his Last Drag Records imprint. Look for "SEXY TIMES" exclusively at Shake Records, Record Runner, Bogey's, Spinables, Bonehead Records, Records On Wheels, Organised Sound, Sam The Record Man, End Hits, and of course Birdman Sound the first week of Rocktober . As for us, looks like we'll be on a little bit of a hiatus as The Professor/ DJ OBF returns to school to complete his PHD. Nerd. Anyhow, we'll hopefully be doing a few shows here and there as Dave's schedule permits. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ March 25th, 2007 SpillMag Live Review: Bionic/The Fucking Machines/Tokyo Sex Whale @ the Dominion Tavern, Ottawa ...."Bionic, are best described as dirty, local punkers. The Fucking Machines play a similar kind of music - in the words of one of their own band members, "it is what it is. Shitty punk music," particularly that of the pre-19(9)0s variety. Their brash minute and a half ditties about nothing you could talk to your mother about are indeed what they are, which is pretty fucking good. Guitar solos rip only as hard as the Machines' vocal chords, and though their set is barely more than (20) minute(s), they definitely get the job done." In other news, we are working on finishing the songwriting for the full lenth and will hopefully be done recording in the late spring. Stay tuned. New tunes up on our myspace page in a couple of weeks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 13th, 2006 Razorcake review. FUCKING MACHINES: Stole My Quarter: 7”EP If Scared of Chaka looked more towards early ‘80s hardcore instead of fucking up the Sonics (in great ways), you’d get something akin to the Fucking Machines. Chargey, yelly, spazzy, dual-vocals, “we just lit all those fireworks in a van on the highway? You’re hair’s on fire,” punk rock. “Dudeicice”’s the gem track. –Todd Taylor (Last Drag) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 2nd, 2006 We're all looking forward to playing with Brutal Knights on the 18th. Lots of new bullshit here. New LP and tour in the spring of 2007 A local recently had this to say: standard issue Style: '80s style hardcore punk Sounds like: Grown-ass men playing the kind of hardcore grown-ass men like: the fucking good kind. Standout track: Dudeicide (this 56 second track alone is easily worth double the price of the EP) Label: Last Drag Records Band website: http://www.thefuckingmachines.net The best thing happened to me the other night. It all started at Chez Lucien, a local bar and restaurant, where I was helping celebrate a friend's birthday. There were a couple of awesome shows going on elsewhere that night, but--epic guy that I am--I was willing to sacrifice going to them to be with my friend on his birthday. But in a turn of events I can only chalk up to good karma for all the awesome I've done, our group decided to change venues and continue drinking at the Dominion, where one of those shows happened to be happening. My hopes of catching any large part of it were quashed, though, when I realized it was half past midnight and the show started way back at nine, so 2+2=I'm fucked. Or am I? When our merry party of gentlemen arrived at the Dom we saw there was a short line-up, because--get this--Bionic (the headliners) hadn't even started playing yet. They were super late starting for whatever reason. But the Dom was still charging ten bucks to get in. Since I had to leave my wallet and everything but twenty bucks and an ID at home (to make sure I didn't spend all my rent money on bad things like booze and garlic potatoes), this was obviously too rich for my blood. It looked like I was gonna have to opt out on Bionic's Queens Of The Stone Age-meets-Turbonegro style rock and roll... but then my friend Adam paid my cover! A couple minutes later, as I stood, fresh beer in hand, watching Bionic set up on the tiny stage not three feet away from me, I basked in my good fortune: essentially, I had just randomly breezed into a bar, for free, and then realized fucking BIONIC was about to play. I'm not one to throw the word "serendipitous" around (mostly because that word's a little more than half-queer), but what the fuck other word am I gonna use? I mean, who wrote this night? Shakespeare? It was PERFECT. Except for one thing: I missed the Fucking Machines' opening set. You might think I'm a whiny bitch for letting this seemingly small detail get me down in the face of such an excellent set of circumstances, but you've probably never known the pleasures of seeing Ottawa's own The Fucking Machines smoke their way through a set of raw, '80s-style hardcore (and sometimes actual '80s hardcore, in the form of Bad Brains and Angry Samoans covers) before. Dudes fucking rule. The only thing to console me about missing their set was knowing I had Stole My Quarter, their gem of a 7", waiting for me back home. Each of this EP's four tracks runs about a minute long (with the exception of their sprawling epic, 'Big Business', which almost makes it to two minutes) but The Fucking Machines took the care to give you your money's worth by packing as many riffs, solos, outros, breakdowns, beats, and gang-vocal assaults on capitalism, hipsters and meatheads into each one. So basically, even if they had given you TIME to get bored, you wouldn't. All in all, Stole My Quarter runs less than five minutes (there's no room for vanity bullshit in hardcore, kids). If you're talented, that gives you enough time to shotgun a couple tallboys before heading off to shred the mini ramp over in your pal Goose Shit's backyard. If you like Black Flag, Minor Threat, Circle Jerks, drinking beer and going off, go to a Fucking Machines show and have the time of your weekend. And don't forget to stop by the merch table and pick up this 7". Rating: 4 out of 5. A review of the album's artwork: I really love this artwork but I don't know what to write about it. I've taken like a million stabs at it and I CAN'T DO IT. It's driving me nuts. But it's some of the coolest, most original album art I've seen in a while. It's totally insane and it's done by a local guy named Howie Tsui who's obviously a way better artist than I am a writer cuz he's managed to blow me away with this cover art (especially the back) and I can't even describe it. Oh well. Nice artwork, Howie. Rating: 4 out of 5. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 15th/ 06 New video of us doing "no more" at practice can be found on you tube. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- September 11/ 06 It was three years ago today the short lived Some Stories You Tell Other Stories You Spend The Rest Of Your Life Trying To Forget (SSYTOSYSRYLTF) had to cancel a monumental show at Barrymore's due to the fact that douchebag Terry had to break his left clavicle for the fucking third time, a week before the show. That's three times in four years he's broken that god-damn thing. He made a failed fourth attempt this past August trying to perfect the extreme sport of parked car surfing. Anyhow, there are some new photos here by Paul Galipeau from our last show at babylon with the Million Dollar Marxists, The Double Pumpers , black actors, and D. I. A.S., a benefit to build an orphanage in Africa for children left parentless by the global A.I.D.S epidemic, curated by the Carleton AIDS Awareness Society. We also have working title for our soon to be recorded 12" LP: "Full Length Federal Erection". New shitty practice MP3's up soon, including such new faves as "loudmouth jimmy" and "hipster douche"! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- August 11th/ 06 7" Review from Toronto's Spill Magazine "If you can get past their crude name, you'll soon find yourself caught up in the brash, raw, lyrical delivery of this retro hardcore punk band. Their ultra short disc, which is also available as a limited edition white vinyl 7 and containing only four tracks, is not even eight minutes long, but they manage a mouthful of topics from capitalism in "Home(olka) Is Where The Hard On Is" to violence and ending up in jail in "I'm Losing It." The other two tracks are "Dudeicide" with its thrashing beats and in-your-face screaming guitars (I must also add that it's one of the best tracks), and "Big Business" where the emphasis is on (no big surprise) spending money - on haircuts and foreign made products among other things. Not only are their songs fast and fun, but quirky too, check out these lyrics in "Big Business": "These Visa bills are killing me/ Like freezer burn on your garlic breath." The Fucking Machines sound pretty fucking good and well put together for a band that formed just last year, and wasted little time in cutting their songs just six months later. Vocalists Colin Vincent and Scott Terry, kick ass in driving their points home against the backdrop of the chaotic thrash of the music, which couldn't be done without the help of fellow Machinesters Dave Jackson and Joe Vienneau, who both handle guitars, John Nash on Bass and drummer John Sproull." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- July 17th/ 06 Brand new review of our 7" is up at Nothing To Do Zine The review can be found here and it reads something like this: "I’ll admit something right off the bat: While I appreciate getting another record in the mail (a white one, even!), I’m writing this review by listening to the cd-r version that was included in the sleeve! In my defense, it’s because my record player’s motor is messed up and it plays things incorrectly. So, let’s get to the point… This is pretty cool “straight ahead early American Hardcore style punk from a bunch of drunk Canadian dudes weaned on Thrasher magazine, Black Flag, and Minor Threat back in the 80’s.” (Straight from the promo sheet!) Apparently, they’d only been together for six months before recording this, and that’s impressive since it’s really tight and sounds really good. I like the recording. It’s raw—not overproduced like too many bands these days. I really don’t listen to much aggressive, fast punk rock these days, but I do like this. Whenever I get in the mood to listen to fast punk rock, I’ll most likely give this a spin. Of course, it’s only about 5 minutes long, so I might have to spin it a few times. " ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- April 30th/06 Here's a couple of interview type things. First off, the Ottawa Xpress recently published the following article about our Label home, labelmates Muffler Crunch, and ourselves: April 20th, 2006 Last Drag Records Dragging it out by Jennifer Tattersall Although this week the Ottawa upstart indie label makes it to three - releases, that is - Last Drag Records' main man Neal Johnstone isn't pining for any major label CEO job. Independent label heads rarely do. Instead, it's a sincere affection for indie and underground music that has them into the music business in the first place. Case in point: A strong love of Ottawa's The Banditas - and an intense frustration that there were no recording plans on the horizon - impelled Johnstone to pony up some cash to help the trio launch their debut last spring, thus christening the Last Drag Records moniker. "I was bugging them for years to record," Johnstone recalls. "Then they played the McClusky show, and then I was, 'Okay, you just have to record something and I will do the rest.' They were definitely the catalyst for starting this." A year later, his need for aural gratification has led Johnstone to the handling of the debut album from Ottawa dark-rock duo Muffler Crunch (see Spins) as well as the seven-inch release from The Fucking Machines, taking the total number of releases to three. With The Banditas' Scott Terry and Colin Vincent swapping their regular guitar and drum duties for microphone, and instrumentals courtesy of bassist Johnny Nash, guitarists Dave Jackson and Joe Vienneau, and John Sproull on drums, The Fucking Machines deliver punk as punk arguably was meant to be - short, loud and fast. Launched as a cover band, inspired largely by a recent SNFU show, the ensemble dished punk hardcore hits circa mid-1980s - think Black Flag, Minor Threat, Circle Jerks, D.O.A. - but soon opted for writing their own. It was a no-brainer considering the members' Ottawa music pedigree: On top of playing with The Banditas, its members belong to an assortment of Ottawa acts, past and present, including The Longtimers, Run Stop Restore, nineteenseventyeight, Andrew Vincent & The Pirates, King Kung and so on. "The tribute idea sort of started because it was an easy way to start a band and we didn't have any songs written," explains Terry. "And as the ball got rolling, I started writing songs, Johnny started writing songs. "Mainly, it was because I'd never been in a punk band before and I've been listening to punk rock since the mid-'80s when I was skating and reading Thrasher magazine. It's kind of a throwback to my youth, and to most of our youths." THE FUCKING MACHINES W/ MUFFLER CRUNCH SATURDAY APRIL 22, $5 ADV. DOMINION TAVERN Original article here. Secondly, we did an interview with Chart Attack: Ottawa Buzz: Last Drag Newbies Join Forces On Saturday Friday April 21, 2006 @ 05:30 PM By: ChartAttack.com Staff The Fucking Machines Last Drag Records is tripling its output this weekend. Last year, Neal Johnstone coaxed The Banditas out of their basement practice space and into the world of recordings with their excellent self-titled debut. Now, Johnstone is continuing his mission to raise the profile of more local scruffy rock 'n' roll, with the debuts of Muffler Crunch and The Fucking Machines. Muffler Crunch are a duo who carry the force of an army in their heavy rock, which is pulled off impressively with only drums and an acoustic guitar. Luc Lavigne is behind the scuzzy, amplified riffs, and Angie Neatby lives up to her "Barbarian" nickname with crashing beats and a vocal delivery that belts, howls and growls. Their full-length, Ol' Sparky's Revenge, is an intense listen and a good indicator of their ferocious live shows. The Fucking Machines are equally ferocious, but lay down their noise on the punk edge of the rock 'n' roll spectrum. Singer Scott Terry explains that the Machines came together after an SNFU show, when their members discovered that they didn't have much else to do on Tuesday nights. "We are all over 30 — if not, damn close," Terry says. "We all listen to punk — old American hardcore. "We all grew up skating in the '80s, reading Thrasher magazine, and listening to bands like The Ramones and Black Flag." These children of classic hardcore — who are in various other Ottawa bands too numerous to count here — also include Colin Vincent, David Jackson, John Nash, John Sproull and Joe Vienneau. Their common backgrounds led The Fucking Machines to first do punk and hardcore covers, and then move on to writing their own quick 'n' dirty tunes. Four of them made it on to their debut seven-inch, Stole My Quarter. "We'll record another seven-inch in the late fall, and as our newer songs are getting shorter and shorter, we'll probably be able to get six or seven songs on there," Terry says. Meanwhile, get ready for the glorious racket on Saturday at the Dominion Tavern, where The Fucking Machines will take the stage first and, as Terry says, "We'll cram 12 songs into 20 minutes, then Muffler Crunch is gonna slay." Original article here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ April 24th/06 The release party was fucked. A great time was had by all. The vinyl has finally arrived. UPS has appologized. The 7" is limited to 200 on white vinyl with cover artwork by Howie Tsui. Get it here. New photos from the release party posted on the pics page. Enjoy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- April 15th/06 The 7" covers have arrived and the artwork has been posted to the music page. Hopefully the vinyl will arrive on time for the release show Saturday, April 22/06. A big thanks to Howie "The Mongrel" Tsui for putting that together for us. As well, next weeks issue of the Ottawa Xpress will have a feature article on Last Drag Records, Muffler Crunch , and the FMs, so check it out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- March 21/06 New song from our 7" posted to the music page. Please enjoy. Advance copies will be going out to radio this week. Why not give you favorite local college station a call and request Big Business! CKCU FM 613-520-CKCU CHUO 613-562-5967 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- March 11/ 06 The 7" is on the way to the press. The release show is set for April 22nd at the Dominion Tavern, Ottawa, co-sponsored by Birdman Sound and CKCU93.1FM. Rumour has it that the Professor will be back with us by that point. This will be a double release show with our friends Muffler Crunch, who will be dropping their brand new Last Drag Records release "Ol' Sparkey's Revenge". Thanks to our pals at Last Drag for helping us release our debut wax! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- February 7/ 06 The debut 7" is nearing completion! We've paired it down to four tracks including "Big Business", "I'm Losing It", "Dudeicide", and "Homolka is where the hard on is". The fine folks at Last Drag Records have kindly agreed to release this raging slab of petroleum sometime mid-spring, so stay tuned! In other news, we've been writing tons of new material and should have enough for a full length later in the year. As well, we've got a show coming up in late March with the inimitable Muffler Crunch, check the shows section. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 28/05 Unfortunately, The Professor must return to school in January, but we will do our best to soldier on in the name of punk fucking rock. Alas, do not worry, he shall return in the Spring a librarian. On a more exciting note, (not to say that the Professor becoming a librarian isn't punk fucking exciting. Imagine you were in first year and you had to deal with that lunatic????) we trek down to Flat Rate Studios in mid-December to record our first EP. We will most likely blow through 4 or 5 two-fours and a half pound of weed. Got to keep it tight. It should be out by late winter. Definitely on CD, but we hope to press vinyl as well. We have at least 5 songs ready but there may be more. Tentative titles so far have included "Raping and Killing Children With Fucking Machines" and "Your Shit Stinks" but thankfully nothing has been decided as of yet. We will do our best to capture on tape the misanthropic fury that destroyed, and I mean literally, destroyed the Aloha Room PA system back in October (and left a wake of aurally awful DJ sets)*. Merci, estee *Supposedly, Barrymore's/Aloha have instituted a new regulation that states "If you blow up the PA, you pay for it." Ha, fascists! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With this band their name says it all By Stephen Flood August 24, 2005 Ottawa Sun "It is really great to be playing bass again," enthuses Ottawa musician Johnny Nash down the phone line, as he excuses himself to keep an eye on something he has brewing in the kitchen of the busy restaurant where he works, before adding upon his return, "because being the singer, like I am in The Long Riders, feels really weird, like I do not know what to do with my hands." The opportunity to play bass again arose in the form of a new project Nash spearheaded with vocalist Scott Terry, called The Fucking Machines, a sextet fleshed out by second vocalist Colin Vincent, guitarists Dave Jackson and Joey Vino, and drummer John Sproull. And in truly candid fashion, Nash describes the naming of the group as one of those happy accidents, albeit of a rather erotic variety. Sex show "I stumbled home from the bar one night and happened to flick on this show called Real Sex Thirty, and there was this guy talking about this complex vibrator device he had made to deliver the ultimate pleasure," Nash laughs. "And when he described it as the best f***ing machine around I knew we had the name of our new group." Fitting indeed, as the quartet play fast, intense hardcore music in the spirit of Big Black, the Steve Albini band who dedicated a seminal album to the fine art of straight ahead copulation. It is a form of music that has Nash very excited. "After the breakup of South Of 78, Scott and I decided we wanted to do something that was really fun, really heavy. And the best hardcore music is really about being in and out in under two minutes, much like the lifestyle of a lot of people. It is also super easy to write a hardcore song, because all you need are a couple of hooky parts that you can rearrange any way you like, and then throw in a bit of bitching." The reference to bitching, and the irony involved in a group of musicians playing this style of music at this stage in their life is not lost on Nash. In fact, it offers him some amusement and the opportunity to wax philosophical. "I know it probably seems odd, given that the members of this band are all between the ages of twenty-eight and thirty-four, to be starting a hardcore band now. But in some ways it makes more sense, because as you get older you realize that there are really all kinds of things to be pissed off about." OTTAWA SUN ARTICLE |